Observations about Autistic Communication

Hi readers!  Today I want to share some things I’ve noticed about autistic communication styles that neurotypicals may initially misunderstand or not even be aware of.  These observations are fascinating to me and I’m so excited to share them with you!

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Autistic people talk freely.  When us autistic people talk, we tend to share whatever’s on our mind.  This can be pretty much anything from the current environment to theories to special interests.

We tend not to ask questions.  Autistic people tend not to ask questions in conversation.  Why?  It’s because we assume that like us, if you want to share something, you’re going to share it.  While this may seem like we’re rude or uninterested, it’s really just that we don’t want to pressure you.  We’d much rather you talk about anything you’d like as opposed to something we’ve prompted you to.  We tend to only ask questions if there’s specific information we want or need, such as environmental details, preferences, or locations.

We may give long explanations or use “shorthand.”  Some autistic people tend to use long explanations for things.  Usually, this is in the hopes of being as descriptive as possible.  It may also be a sign of nervousness or anxiety.  Autistic people may also use what my friend termed “shorthand” – that is, very quick phrases in communication.  This is more likely to be used if the person is tired or overwhelmed.  It’s important to recognize that these sentences may not initially mean what you think.  For example, “I want water” may not mean “bring me water,” but instead “where can I fill my water bottle?”  Context and knowledge of the individual are very useful in these situations.  If you’re unsure what they mean, ask them.

We may make a lot of or very little eye contact.  For some autistic people, maintaining eye contact can be quite painful.  As such, they may not be willing or able to do so in conversation.  Comfort is also a factor.  I’ve noticed that autistic people are less likely to make eye contact if they are very comfortable or very uncomfortable with the situation – more comfort means less pressure, whereas less comfort means more pain.  Autistic people also tend to look away if they’re deep in thought.  This does not mean that they aren’t listening – just that they are processing, analyzing, and being creative – which is a great thing!  I remember one time a friend (who is also autistic) and I were having a deep conversation outside.  We spent nearly two hours with our eyes focused on opposite corners of the yard.  We barely even looked at each other!  Still, it was an incredibly productive and insightful discussion.  Eye contact is not always necessary for a great conversation, but sometimes an autistic person may give it their all.  If this happens while you’re speaking, this tends to mean that they are very focused and want to demonstrate to you as much as they can that they’re listening.  I’ve noticed that I do this most in classes or with authority figures.  If the autistic person is speaking during the eye contact, it may mean that they really want you to listen to their message.  In both circumstances, however, it could also mean that the person is afraid to look away.  They may be intentionally making intense eye contact because someone told them they must to fit in.  Unfortunately, autistic people are often told to change their natural behavior to appease others.  Eye contact is just one of the ways in which this can manifest.

We may use multiple means of communication.  Speech is what most neurotypicals are used to on a daily basis.  However, there are many other ways in which autistic people might communicate.  Augmentative and alternative communication, or AAC, are tools and strategies that help people communicate nonverbally.  Examples of AAC include boards and apps.  Autistic people may also use nonverbal behaviors or gestures to relay information to you.  Not every autistic person uses the same communication system, and many use a combination of them.  It’s important to recognize and respect how an autistic individual prefers to communicate with you.

We might talk about one subject while listening to you talk about another.  While it may seem like we aren’t paying attention, sometimes it can be quite efficient to focus on two topics at once.  You get to say what you want, we get to say what we want, and we can process both.  It tends to happen with the people we’re most comfortable with, especially those who are also autistic.  My autistic friends and I have lots of conversations like this.

As always, thank you so much for reading and educating yourself on autism!  I hope you find this article helpful and relevant to your situation.  Have a great day!