Welcome back to another weekly update! This week, I felt overwhelmed by a lot of little happenings, so I spent time simplifying things.
A Struggle From This Week
On Saturday, I went to rehearsal while having an intense round of PMDD. My PMDD tends to make my autism more sensitive, so I wasn’t feeling great at all. Everyone was chatty and trying to figure out instructions as they were giving them, which resulted in a lot of confusion. I kept forgetting my lines and missing my entrances because the environment was so distracting, plus I was constantly being given wrong directions. It was very frustrating.
The next rehearsal would be Monday, so I decided to be independent and take care of myself. I looked through the script and wrote down all of my entrances and exits on a sheet of paper so I’d have it all ready to go. It was much easier than I thought. When I brought it in, it helped tremendously in telling me what to do. When it came to blocking, I didn’t have to listen to anyone else’s instructions, just myself and my paper. With that out of the way, I was able to focus and remember my lines. It went great!
Another thing that happened this week was that my C-PTSD kicked in on Tuesday. Since I’ve been having some other issues around theater, I was considering quitting, and I had a really difficult episode that lasted for several hours. As it finally wound down, I deleted a bunch of apps, photos, and social media. They weren’t directly related to the situation, but cutting ties in those small ways was really refreshing. In the morning, my mind was clearer. I realized I did really love acting and my friends, but my mental health was bad and I was burnt out, so a break would be much better than leaving permanently. My mom and I also arranged an overnight trip for this weekend so I can get away for a little while.
A Win From This Week
Now that I’ve simplified my life a little bit, certain things have become much easier. I can relax, focus on my goals, and seek new opportunities. I don’t feel tied down and it’s amazing. Even my pets are feeling the effects. It makes me sad that they caught a bit of my stress, but I’m so glad they’re feeling better now. It’s so important to me that they’re happy and healthy.
I’m really proud of myself for being able to figure out my life and symptoms and find ways to heal.