This week, I did quite a lot. I cleaned, worked, did projects, hung out with Marlowe and my boyfriend, and overall just stayed on the go – that is, until Wednesday came around. In essence, my activity level had dropped from doing everything to doing nothing.
A Struggle From This Week
Something that was hard for me this week was suddenly having no energy, motivation, or interest in doing anything, not even my hobbies or online job. I’d been on the go for days and I was loving it! To lose that streak so abruptly definitely messed with me.
One of my other conditions is called premenstrual dysphoric disorder (read more here.) In a nutshell, it’s basically extreme PMS. This fatigue and general disinterest are some of my most prominent symptoms when it hits. And autistic me doesn’t like being thrown off her groove, especially when it’s not only contributed to her own comfort and well-being, but others’ as well.
Basically, when I started feeling tired, I barely had enough energy to get up and walk around. I didn’t even have the energy to play with Marlowe – something that made me feel like a terrible bird mom. I laid down and took a nap for two hours, since there was nothing else I felt I could do. Thankfully my mom brought Marlowe back into my room so she was there when I woke up. We were able to play a bit later once I had some energy back.
What I’ve been trying to teach myself the past few years is that it’s okay to take a break. I love getting into my creative flow and checking off one task after another, and society rewards that. However, there’s no way I can do that all the time, especially with my health. As a matter of fact, nobody can! We all need to recharge sometimes and that’s good!
A Win From This Week
Once I get past the initial shock, it’s nice to be able to rest. I try to get my to-do list done early so there’s no big responsibilities. I start putting myself first and seeking out ways to bring myself joy and comfort, even when my brain isn’t fully cooperative. What’s important is that I’ve realized that even though I may be down emotionally and physically, I still owe it to myself to take care of me. It’s okay to still feel tired and down, but it’s much better to do it with a hot chocolate, face mask, and relaxing show than alone in the dark. Resting gives me the opportunity to catch up on self-care and get me all prepped for the next thing. I’m also really glad my work and most of my hobbies can be done from home. That way, I can take care of myself and have the activities I enjoy right at hand.
Fatigue and disinterest can really bring you down – or they can be a chance to prioritize yourself for a little bit. It is okay to have those feelings and to spend time taking care of yourself so you can do more tomorrow.